X Army Nutcase

 

Last week I had the pleasure of joining the Feng Shui game which was one of the most hilarious roleplaying episodes I have experienced in recent memory. Thinking back I have been playing a lot of Cthulu, Savage Worlds and DnD in more classical settings but it was wonderful to be back in a B Movie scenario. The character I pulled out of the bag for this one was a 'Full Metal Nutcase'. Pretty much says it all there so I had to quickly contrive a character based on the Kubric movie and gave him some sexual dysfunction for a laugh to inject some more stress into his mindset.

 

It was one of the amusing plot hooks of crowbarring a character into the game that I have seen, in that he was the Pizza delivery driver who came to the party's base after the last mission and was instantly recruited presumably based on his excellent logistic skills.

 

When I was walking home with a little more time to spend thinking about it some even better X military brain frazzled characters came to mind. Initially I recall Bill Murray's Carl Spackler in Caddyshack who progressively destroys an entire golf club in the hunt for his nemesis, 'The Gopher'. This is not a pseudonym for a criminal mastermind by the way, its an actual gopher. If you haven't seen it then you need to be black bagged and forced.

 

I am also reminded of the awesome Brock Samson from The Venture Brothers animated adventures. An absolute gem of a B movie world of would be Super Villians and international crime fighting organisations all just trying to do their jobs by trying to take over the world whilst also trying to make sure they hoover regularly, get the kids to school and feed the cat.

 

But in retrospect it is Walter from the Big Leboswki that is the cliché clincher for me. Anyone prepared to go to war over the right to drink coffee and defend the constitution of his local bowling club with armed force has to be a nutcase worth knowing.

 

I'm going to see if I can get a quick character transplant for the next game.

 

 

Crystal Maze

So it appears, or rather it transpires that we have appeared, within an ancient underground complex of some description, not Dwarven though by the look of it. The archaic teleportation pads that we are using could have delivered us anywhere but more to the point it looks like this end of the transport system has been neglected for some decades; where the stone plinth isn't worn with age it is covered over with moss and fungus. Problem for us is that it is voice activated and keyed to a specific word. It has occurred to us on the other side of the jump that the word may of course be from a ancient or dead language and a pertinent occasion to make sure that the languages section of our character sheets hasn't been neglected as is so often the case. Either way we have no way back at present.

 

There being no backwards, forwards was the only option available so we mapped out what we could of an underground complex, somewhat  unstable in structure and emanating a faint evil glow. I was grateful to have de-sanctified an alter with my axe and got an appropriate level of book burning in but we are still lost in a maze full of rooms, traps and secret exits. On the plus side we did get through a physical room full of animated statues that intervened to bar our way but between our addled brains and a Tiefling that we picked up, we shuffled through unscathed.

 

Lastly we managed to get past a mystery room full of dangerous portal doors to various unholy and ghastly locations, really by trial and error and also by some hit point loss.

 

Where are we now ? Don't know, I hope we have a avoided a lock in, but I have a feeling I now know who is behind all of this...

 

 

As for the FengShui currently running, I hear that they have completed one of the chapters of their adventures by slaying a cyber gorilla. Not sure what that is but I am imagining something like a KingKonginator.

Dont leave the pub

When one has a little more experience as a role-player one generally tends to gloss over any pretexts as to starting and adventure. Indeed, the GM and players are always keen to get things going and sometimes a potentially amusing little preamble is lost.

GM Jo has kindly been running a Savage Worlds game whilst our DnD GM gets off his night shifts and the stop gap game did start with us all in the pub. We were called out to investigate the sewers and find out why people are going missing and why there are rats abandoning their homes en masse. I find that rats are to be respected in all of their characteristics where attacking swarms are concerned as well as generally being of the right side of providence when abandoning ships, buildings or in our case, sewage systems.

Falling to the occasion we descended into the rather disgusting medieval main sewer and then spurred off to a slimy sub junction, some of us deftly traversing a 30 foot drop into more sewage, round a couple of stinking bends to several rotting zombies. Hacking our way through these we then had to contend with giant spiders webbing us down in more filth and finally onto a room where a summoning ceremony was just completing. Fortunately we managed to take out the central character involved in this quite quickly before the minions were upon us as he was standing in the middle of a swirling vortex of his own making. Though it was pointed out that the person in question may have been a sacrificial victim rather than an instigator. Either way the greater good was at stake.

I do believe we finally made our way back to the pub, though I am not sure if stopped for a shower, we did arrived in time to finish our pints.

So if a concerned citizen asks you to leave the comfort of a welcoming inn and a legendary Beer of Repute to go down into a shit hole you may consider saying no.

Whats going on ?

Well, its time to put down your mince pies, take up arms and start arguing again with your favourite GM.

 

Its been a weird club break for us as both Christmas eve and New Years eve fell on our Thursday night but its important to take a break once in a while from the worlds we create to take a break in.

 

Of course your new years resolution is to come back to the club and start re rolling your favourite numbers so sharpen those pencils, warm up your dice and check the sell by date of any munchies left over from last year.

 

By way of a whimsical post today I shall defer to the following article on the 24 Most embarrassing DnD character classes:

http://io9.gizmodo.com/the-24-most-embarrassing-dungeons-dragons-character-1524448977?utm_campaign=socialflow_io9_facebook&utm_source=io9_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow

1) Fighting Man
2) Beggar
3) Peasant Hero
4) Arctic Druid
5) Defiler
6) Anchorite
7) Barbarian Fighter
8) Clown
9) Fetishist
10) Unicorn Rider
11) Dandy
12) Labourer
13) Thug
14) Pest Controller
15) Rapid Response Rider
16) Ghetto Fighter
17) Goblinsticker
18) Mouseburgler
19) Mine Rowdy
20) Lost Druid
21) Pacifist
22) Mountain Man
23) Paladin of Slaughter
24) Urban Druid

 

 

We are on for DnD, Fen Shui and Changing Breeds this Thursday so if the Gods ride with the public transport system then I will see you all there, beggars included !